


weevils

by Queenie_Sudol



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018), Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22690378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenie_Sudol/pseuds/Queenie_Sudol
Summary: after the unfortunate deaths of cere and greez, cal and merrin find safety on a far away planet called earth. there they meet an odd couple and shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Merrin, Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 2





	weevils

**Author's Note:**

> i did not write this. jacob wrote it for me as valentines gift. many inside jokes ahead

It was a rainy night in Paris. Cal and merrin had landed the mantis in a secret alley safe from empire spies. They had just escaped an empire fleet after them, not knowing they had already destroyed the holocron. Greez and Cere unfortunately passed away, as they sacrificed themselves to save Merrin and Cal. 

"We can’t let their deaths be in vain, merrin" cal said as he panted from flying the ship to safety. "Yes yes very sad and unfortunate" merrin said with a condescending and sarcastic tone, that Cal being the dimwit he is, didn’t notice. "We have to find somewhere safe. Somewhere we can hide out and recuperate, my love" cal cried out like the baby he is. "Yes. I will find place. You wait." 

Merrin was strong and confident in her abilities and knew that Cal needed support during these times.

Merrin took to the streets of Paris looking for somewhere to stay. She went to every hotel, motel and inn she could find. None would take her in for her odd skin tone and threatening nature. Despite being a diverse city, people were not used to THAT culture.

Merrin felt like she had no hope. That she'd have to let him recover and then go find a place himself. She was just about to give up. But by the grace of Mother Talzin, merrin overheard something. It was a woman, with similar looking hair, skin tone, and most importantly, accent. She was with this other woman, who looked asian and about 20 years older than her counterpart. Merrin thought that she couldn’t be her mother, maybe she was adopted? Maybe coworkers? Merrin and her fine confident ass decided to go up and introduce herself as a fellow dathomiri.

"Hello… sorry to bother you. Do you happen to speak dathomiri? Are you from dathomir?" Merrin, for the first time in her life spoke nervously. She started to shake. "Haha what? No, I speak russian. I'm assuming you do as well?" The woman seemed to be amused by Merrins shyness and timid behaviour. "Uhh. No. I am just looking for a place to stay with me and my boyfriend and you looked like a comforting presence". Merrin struck a smile. "Of course we would love to have you over, right Eve?"

Both merrin and eve had an uncomfortable look on their faces. Eve was thinking, "oh great, oksana is messing with people again. This won’t end well." On the other hand merrin was thinking "what the hell? She’s DATING her? She looks like she’s 50! Pretty good for 50 though."

Oksana on the other hand received good vibes from merrin. She thought she was innocent and vulnerable and she wanted to take care of her. "I'm oksana. This is my wife Eve" merrin was uncomfortable with introductions and didn't trust them. But she trusted them a lot more than she trusted any other Parisian. "Where is your boyfriend? We will go get him and bring him to our apartment." Oksana seemed eager to bring them in, and Eve was getting suspicious of it. "Oh I'll go get him. Just give me your address and I'll be there in a second." They gave her the address and she went on her way.

Merrin teleported back to Cal the second she walked out the bar door (she can do that). "Cal! My love, I found a lovely couple that let us stay at their apartment!" Cal seemed surprised. "Really? No offense but you kinda come off threatening… and scary… and alien… an-". "yeah shut up! We go now" Cal still wasn’t convinced. "Why did this couple decide to let us in? Who are they?" Merrin was convinced they were good people (she was wrong). "Trust me Cal. I've always been there for you. Like when I killed Malicos. And when I saved you from Vader. And that one time we boned and someone, probably greez, drew a fanart of. When have I ever let you down?" Cal was still anxious but he trusted merrin. Those three main and totally canon encounters were enough to solidify his love and trust for her. "Okay. Let's go." He said. 

Then merrin grabbed his ass and they teleported to the apartment. To clarify, merrin can teleport other people whilst grabbing their buttocks. 

They arrive at the apartment before Eve and Oksana got there. As the racially and elderly diverse couple show up to their apartment, they become extremely confused. “How did you…” Eve started to ask but stopped, noticing Merrin’s extraterrestrial abilities and face tattoos. “Hello everyone! I am Calvin, but you can call me Cal!” Merrin looked embarrassed. Oksana felt that embarrassment. Eve was getting some Hugo vibes that she just didn’t want to deal with. All in all, no one liked Cal. But Merrin felt an attachment to him.

“Welcome to our home, Cal and Merrin” Oksana said with an excited smile and enthused tone “you can stay in the guest room if you like, ask us if you need anything”. Merrin took comfort in Oksana’s accent. It sembled that sweet-sweet, beautiful Dathomiri accent. “Thank you so much for taking us in. Cal just lost two close friends in a terrible…. Ski doo accident. He needs time to mentally recover.” All Eve was thinking was “yeah whatever. Go to bed so I can finally sleep”. 

THE NEXT MORNING

Oksana wakes up at 7 in the morning. She walks down the stairs and notices Merrin making breakfast out of only plants. “Oh good morning Merrin. You’re up early” Merrin gleefully responds “I don’t sleep. I am physically incapable of sleeping. I stare at the wall for hours until my beautiful Calvin wakes from his slumber.” Oksana, shocked by this odd answer, awkwardly and somewhat condescendingly responds “that’s cool” and goes back upstairs to Eve.

Oksana has started to have some regrets. “Eve, I’m starting to have some regrets.” Eve started smirking and decided to harang on Oksana a little for her unusual compassion. “Oh? So you mean to tell me that you’re starting to regret two strangers, one that is from an alien planet and another big baby that can apparently levitate? Is that where your regrets started? Huh?” Oksana wasn’t surprised by Eve’s reaction, but she wasn’t ready to give up yet. “How about this Eve? If I am still uncomfortable by tomorrow night we kick them out. I bet I won’t though. Deal?” Eve was curious about how much crap Oksana could actually tolerate. Usually it was just Eve tolerating hers. “Deal” Eve said triumphantly.

“Cal? Cal where are you?” Oksana went looking around for him. She was starting to get worried that she lost him as merrin was taking one of her classic large poops. All of a sudden she starts to hear weeping coming from the complex basement.

“Cere… *sniff sniff* Greez…. *sniff sniff*” Oksana knew he was in serious mental pain. But she really didn’t care. “Come on Cal. Get up. Merrin will be worried.” Cal, in the fetal position, was not ready to leave. “Just leave me alone Oksana… I'll be fine” Cal could barely control his weeping. The annoyance was already getting to Oksana. She hated crying more than anything. And man, Cal was a CRYER. “My master told me to be stronger…” Cal said under his breath “Yes yes listen to him now come on we got stuff to do.” Oksana really struggled bonding with Cal, but at this point she didn’t want to. She grabbed him and brought him back to the apartment. The french neighbours stared at a crying man being dragged through the complex.

After an hour and a half, Merrin finally exits the bathroom. “What did I miss!” she exclaimed to a room with a crying Cal, an annoyed Oksana, and a smug Eve drinking her coffee like how Sandra Oh from Grey’s Anatomy would. Oksana was ready to give the odd, alien couple another chance of redemption. “Alright you two, it’s time to come clean. Merrin, I’ve seen you teleport and Cal I’ve seen you lift things with your mind or something. Tell what and who you are, I promise we won’t tell anyone.” Cal wasn’t sure whether or not to trust them, but Merrin just didn’t care. “I come from a planet called Dathomir. I know magick spelled with a k. I can teleport and do cool things like this *she emits green smoke from her hands*. I met Cal and his two friends and I agreed to help them on their journey, because I was bored. Cal take it away.” 

Cal was taken aback by Merrin’s openness, but thought may as well continue the story. “There’s this evil conglomerate named the empire. They were after something we owned called a holocron. It had all the names of the babies that had the force, which is my ability. They wanted to kill those babies. We destroyed it but they still thought we had it, so they chased us down. Our friends, Cere and Greez, pushed us into the only escape pod and told us to get somewhere safe. They sacrificed themselves for us, as our ship was cornered and eventually destroyed.” Cal began to daze off for a second.

“Wait a minute…” a guilty look on Merrin’s face appeared as he said that. “Merrin…. You could’ve teleported out of the ship right ...” Merrin stood still and emotionless. “Merrin… if you grab someone's ass you can teleport them…” Cal’s sadness and depression suddenly turned to anger. “MERRIN WHAT THE FUCK!” Merrin, knowing she made this huge mistake right after it happened, went on the defensive. “I’m sorry, my love! We were in so much danger and there was so much pressure! Had I more time, maybe I would’ve thought of that idea…” Cal was not impressed with this answer. “Merrin? More like fuckin MORON. You acted quick on Nur. Why not then?”

Eve could see that this fight would get them over, so she interjected. “Guys stop fighting. What happened happened. You can’t take it back. Just get over it and move on.” This wasn’t helpful however, as Cal also realized that Merrin might be able to take it back and resurrect living things. “Merrin couldn’t you do that thing you did to your dead nightsisters?” Merrin scoffed at this idiot. “Cal I need their corpses. Also do you want zombie Cere and Greez? Remember how my sisters treated you? You don’t want that.” Cal finally gave up this argument. “Okay then” he says “Now what?”

Meanwhile, Oksana had been completely zoned out this entire time. She whispers over to Eve to fill her in. After hearing everything Eve said, Oksana’s willingness to help them is at an all time low. She gathers everyone’s attention again. “Okay. You people have very interesting characteristics but such boring stories. Everyone has lost someone. Who cares. Let’s do something fun.” This comment worried Eve. She finally got Oksana to stop getting into trouble, and now she wants to go on some kind of adventure with these powerful deities.

Fortunately for Eve, Merrin and Cal weren’t too thrilled with this idea. They had to lay low. “Sorry Oksana, we’re really thankful that you’re letting us stay here but we can’t make too much noise. The empire doesn’t check this galaxy but it can pick up force signals. We can’t risk it.” Cal made sense here. Oksana knew he made sense. She knew the consequences of a big mistake. But she doesn't care. “Fine then. If you want a place to stay you have to do what I say. Or else you’re back on the street. Good luck with finding someone to take you in. You’ll die out there like dogs.” Oksana was exaggerating the roughness of Parisian streets, but she was convincing as ever. 

Cal and Merrin went to their room (a closet under the staircase) to discuss. “Merrin we can’t risk doing anything too big here. This woman is a nutjob. I say we take our chances on the street.” Merrin was reluctant to leave. Not because she liked the strange couple, but because the streets gave her severe PTSD. “No Cal I must stay. I can’t do the streets again. They all smell terrible and were mean to me. Trust me we will refuse to do anything that will get us caught.” Cal didn’t trust Merrin, nor Eve or Oksana, but he’s a lonely man and didn’t want to be on his own. Plus they boned once, he didn’t want to give that up too. “Fine Merrin. We can stay, but you’re on thin ice bucko.” Merrin rolled her eyes. What a moron she thought.

“Alright Oksana. We shall stay. By the way, is there another name that we can call you by? Oksana is a lot of syllables.” Oksana smiled. “Sure, you can call me Villanelle.” Cal grunted. Oksana stated “Rest up today, tomorrow we gonna do some stuff.”

Oksana was interested in Merrin and Cal’s abilities. She took them out to an old junkyard in the south of France that is quite secluded from society. It seems like it would be a good place to bury a body. Anyways Oksana made Cal and Merrin show her their multitude of skills. Cal picked cars up with the force, cut things up with his lightsaber, dabbed, and used his Jedi mind trick on Eve, whom Oksana deemed as the test dummy.

Merrin on the other hand showed off her arguably even more powerful skills. She emitted green smoke from her body, teleported, did giants poops, shot said green smoke from her hands, and raised the dead bodies Oksana buried from the dead. But there was one thing that Oksana wanted Merrin to do that made Cal worry. 

“Merrin, you see that satellite? Do you think you could safely bring it down here? I always wanted to walk on one and see what it’s like.” Merrin was eager to try out her abilities on this new and unfamiliar planet, but Cal was afraid that it would draw too much attention. “Don’t do this Merrin, it’s not safe. The empire has force detectors, remember?” Merrin didn’t seem too concerned. “I have magick Cal. With a k. Is fine.”

Merrin was able to bring the satellite down to the junkyard. Oksana was a happy girl, Eve was concerned yet happy for her wife, Cal was shaking in his boots about to soil himself, and Merrin was cooling it. Unfortunately for the group, Cal had been right.

“General Weevis, we picked something up on our magick trackers, signal coming from earth.” Weevis grinned with his robot face. “Good. I shall continue my brothers legacy, and finish off the nightsisters and jedi once and for all. Thank the lord that grievous left me his magick trackers. Maybe Palpatine will finally give me a chance to be his newest apprentice.”

Meanwhile back on earth, the quartet seemed to be really getting along. Cal finally stopped crying all the time, Merrin started teleporting her big poops away, Oksana hasn’t had an urge to murder someone in some time, and Eve is finally over Niko. They have been partying, they have been playing games, they’ve even used some of their abilities to get around places for free. All in all, they’ve been enjoying each others company. Cal and Merrin have even started considering finding their own place nearby in downtown Paris. They truly feel at home here on earth.

Meanwhile, Weevis has been preparing for a stealth attack on earth. As he orders his stormtroopers to locate the Jedi and nightsister, he debriefs the rest of his crew on this mission. “Everyone we have an important mission here. The jedi and nightsister we were chasing from Nur have been located somewhere on the planet called Earth. This planet is located in the Milky Way Galaxy, which has been prohibited by the Empire until they gather more intelligence. However, we are going to quietly and stealthily enter this planet and extract the fugitives. If we succeed, you will all be greatly rewarded. Now, ready up soldiers.” Weevis’ crew took off for earth.

Back in Paris, the gang were playing monopoly in the apartment, having a good time. The earthlings took advantage of their lack of understanding, but it was all in good fun. Oksana sees all the empty paper cups and plates, with pizza and soda. “I’ll clean up guys. Pass me your stuff.” Oksana put it all in a plastic bag and took it out to the trash bin out back behind the apartment.

As Oksana is throwing the trash away, a strange man in the dark wearing a cloak, with a fedora tilted forwards approaches her. Most people would be scared, not Oksana. “Bonjour madame, may I ask where the drug store is?” Oksana began to let her guard down. “Oh yes, it’s down the street and to the left.” The man started to grin. “Oh, that’s an interesting accent, are you not from here?” Oksana started to get a bad feeling. “Uhh yes. I am not from here. I’ve just lived here for a while.” The man nods and walks away. As Oksana finally finishes throwing out the trash, she hears the man muttered something. She turns around, and gets knocked unconscious by other cloaked storm troopers. 

Cal could hear a kerfuffle outside and sensed within the force that something was wrong. He sprinted outside to see Oksana being carried into Weevis’ imperial starship. “Nooooo!!!!!” He was too late. He tried chasing down the ship and pulling it down with his force, but Earth lacks enough force energy for him to keep it on the planet. Oksana and Weevis were gone, and now Cal had to explain the situation to Eve.

“So Eve, basically your wife has been kidnapped by the people that brought us here. I believe that they thought she was Merrin due to similar accents and hairstyles and faces. We kinda have similar tastes haha. Yeah anyways the love of your life is gone and we need to save her. Any questions?” Cal seemed optimistic in Eve’s response to this. Eve was used to Oksana getting into trouble, but this was different. “Uhhhh. Okay. Where exactly do we have to go to find her?” Eve was very angry and annoyed with the extra terrestrial couple, but was trying to keep her cool. “Well we have to go into space first. Have you ever been?” Cal said eagerly. Eve shook her head in disgust. “If it makes you feel better, I've barely been to space myself.” Merrin was trying to be helpful, but just wasn’t. “Okay. Let’s go get my wife. But I want BOTH of you out of my life once we get her back.” 

Cal and Merrin took Eve to the Mantis and started preparing to depart. Cal could sense a lot of tension coming from Eve. She didn’t seem to even care that she was leaving Earth - something a handful of people have ever done in the planets history. She just seemed focused on getting Oksana and coming back. “Hey Eve, we’re really sorry that-” “Don’t talk to me. We aren’t friends anymore. This is your fault. Both of yours.” Merrin felt like fighting back, but Cal grabbed her arm. “It’s not worth it Merrin, she’s upset. Just let her be mad and we’ll go get Oksana.” But Merrin wasn’t exactly one to let go of grudges.

Merrin was piloting the Mantis, as Greez had shown her how to fly before his unfortunate passing. Cal was sitting beside her trying to help be her co-pilot, while Eve was on the couch in the back playing with Cere’s old guitar. This struck a nerve to Cal, as Cere was basically his maternal figure.

“Hey Eve could you not touch that? It means a lot to me and I don’t want something to go wrong.” Eve scoffed. “Oh yeah? You don’t want something to go wrong? Is that right?” Merrin had had enough of Eve’s attitude. She slows down the ship and sets it to cruise, which would anger Eve more if she knew how spaceships would work. “What’s wrong Eve? What’s on your mind? Why don’t you tell us what you’re thinking so we can skip this petty shit.” Eve didn’t hesitate to respond. “Oh I don’t know, it might have something to do with the fact that my fucking wife has been kidnapped and it never would have happened if you weren’t around?” Merrin predicted this response and came up with her own retort “Yes that’s nice and all but it was your decision to take care of us and keep us in your home. Blame us all you want but take some accountability.” This only made Eve more upset. “I didn’t want to accept you in. I never did. It was one of Oksana’s weird desires. If it were up to me I wouldn’t have even looked at you in the bar.” Merrin decided to make it personal. “Well maybe you should take more charge in your relationship. Maybe if you didn’t let Oksana boss you around, you could have prevented this whole thing.” Eve didn’t wait a second to react. “Fuck you bitch!” She grabbed the guitar and threw it at Merrin’s head. Merrin grabbed it and flung it to the side with her Magick, similar to what Vader did to Cere’s body.

“Next time I won’t throw the guitar away, you whore!” Merrin threatens. Cal finally decides to step in. “Enough! Oksana would be very disappointed in both of you. This isn’t helpful. Just the both of you sit down and we can go get Oksana.” Eve seemed reluctant but knew she really didn’t have a choice. Merrin was feeling fairly confident after that exchange on the contrary. “Hey Cal… I kinda owned her right?” Cal was not impressed. “Merrin give her a break. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean you have to say it.” Merrin realized the error of her ways. She went up to go apologize, but Cal gave her a look to indicate that now wasn’t the time.

After a few hours on the ship, Cal found a signal. “Guys, I think we found her. See this blip here Eve? This was the ship that took Oksana.” Eve gave a sigh of relief, perhaps too soon. “That’s great! You guys can go in and kill them all right?” As she was saying that, Cal saw another thing on the radar. “Uh, not quite Eve. Take a look.” The trio look up through the mantis windows and see an imperial cruiser. Eve was in complete shock while the other two were more worried about how they’d get in and out with Oksana safely. 

“Shes… she’s not in there is she?” Eve didn’t want to admit it but knew it was true. “Yeah. She is.” That led to silence for a couple minutes. Cal wondered how the empire’s two most sought out fugitives - behind Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda - could just go into an imperial cruiser with Weevis, inquisitors, and countless stormtroopers from many different factions. 

Merrin finally broke the silence. “I have plan.” She said this with enough confidence to release some of Cal’s tensions. “Remember what I did on Nur? I do again.” Cal can’t believe he had forgotten. So much had happened since then. “I’m sorry what you did on what?” Eve was very confused. “Merrin has the ability to cloak our signal with her magick. She can get us in there and-” Merrin was upset that they interrupted her. “Hey, my plan remember! Anyways, I cloak us and we go into cruiser. I will teleport around with Eve until we find, and then free Oksana. Cal, your job is to distract the bay inspectors long enough until we get back. Cal liked this plan, but was concerned with his part. “How am I supposed to distract them?” “I don’t know, tell them you’re a bounty or something.” The trio agreed that this was the plan.

Merrin told Cal how to fly the ship closer into the bay as she grinded her teeth and grasped the air as if she were taking one of her big poops. This enabled her cloaking abilities, and they successfully landed into the cruiser. As the bay inspector walked up to the ship, Cal grabbed some of his old scavenger gear to look like a bounty hunter. He turned over to the two women. “Good luck guys.” “You too.” Merrin grabbed Eve’s ass and was off. Cal opened up the door and was ready to play a convincing part of a bounty hunter.

Merrin and Eve had a tough time finding Oksana. Neither of them had been on an imperial cruiser before, so Merrin’s teleporting abilities seemed pointless, aside from avoiding being caught. “Where are we going?” Eve was scared yet fascinated. She’d never seen anything like this before. “I’m not sure. We’ll find her soon enough, I’m sure.” “What? What do you mean you’re not sure? Do you know where we’re going?” Eve was on the precipice of anger again. “No. I’ve never been here before.” Merrin’s total lack of understanding social cues set off Eve once again. “You dumb bitch, how are we supposed to find her in this giant ship?” Merrin didn’t respond, and teleported without Eve, leaving her alone and scared in the maintenance room.

Meanwhile, Cal had been stalling the bay inspector to buy the two enough time to get Oksana back. “So… Mr. Hounty Bunter is it? Who exactly do you have here to give us?” Cal had to be quick on his feet, which was difficult since he knew nothing about the bounty hunting profession. “Uh, you see I’m actually here to ask where I can claim a bounty on someone? You see I’m new to the industry and-” The inspector cut him off.  
“I’m sorry Mr. Bunter, but we only purchase experienced bounty hunting services. You would have to make quite a name for yourself to come asking us for a bounty.” Cal was quick to respond, as he committed to this risky idea of his. “Maybe so, but I have this.” Cal pulls out his lightsaber. “I found this by a dead Jedi’s body on Bracca. You sure I would struggle with this powerful weapon?” The inspector was shocked, and was supposed to report something like this to his commanding officer immediately. However, he was intrigued by Cal and his lightsaber and decided to question him further.

At the same time, Eve was found in the janitors closet pacing back and forth, waiting for Merrin to reappear. Just as she was about to give up and go out, Merrin came back. “So did you find anything?” Merrin nodded. “So? Why didn’t you bring her back?” Merrin let out a huge sigh before speaking. “I’m gonna need your help Eve.” Eve’s body language looked like she was about ready to lay on the floor and sit. “Why do you need my help? Don’t you have magick? Just magick them up mate.” “Eve, they had an entire squadron of security droids. These were the same things that killed all my sisters. I think I’m powerful enough to defeat them, but I need you to distract them.” Eve was terrified, but she was willing to do anything to get Oksana back. 

There were about 10 droids outside of Oksana’s chamber. Eve had walked out in front of them with a blaster and started blasting at them. These droids were slow and didn’t respond fast, so as they finally turned all their attention Eve, Merrin came out to strike. She ripped them all apart, one by one. For every droid she killed, she thought of one of her beloved sisters she lost. In a matter of seconds the job was done. “Well that was easy.” Eve thought. Unfortunately for them, that wasn’t the hardest part. As Merrin and Eve opened the corridor heroically to save Oksana, they saw their toughest opponent yet. General WEEVIS. Oksana was gagged and prevented from speaking. Weevis was in the middle of torturing her. “Leave Oksana alone!” Cried Eve. “Yeah, you dumbass she’s not even a nightsister. I’m the one you’re looking for.” Taunted Merrin. Weevis was initially embarrassed, but now he had his target where he wanted. He pulled out his lightsabers and screamed “This is for my brother you witch whore!” As he swung at Merrin, she Vader’d him and pushed him off to the side. Merrin has reached a power she didn’t know she had in her. Eve quickly unchained and freed her wife. “Oh my god Oksana are you okay? Let’s get out of here.” Oksana chuckled in a way that only she would. “Haha yeah. I’ve been tortured far worse. Give me that gun thingy Eve, who let you use that?” Merrin grabbed both their asses and teleported back to the ship.

Unfortunately, she teleported them to a part where they were visible to the inspector. This especially sucked for Cal, who had appeared to strike a friendship with the man. “I’m really sorry man, I don’t want to do this.” Then Cal jabs him, and they quickly leave the port unharmed. 

Weevis emerges from the trenches of the cruiser. He quickly rushes to his squadron of pilots and orders them to go after the mantis. 

Cal senses this danger and warns the group that they can’t go back to earth. Eve wasn’t too happy, as per usual. “Can’t you guys just drop us off at earth or something? This is your problem, not ours.” Cal had a guilty look on his face. He was ready to give some bad news. “I’m sorry you guys but the empire now sees both of you as targets. They’re likely setting up a blockade to the milky way as we speak. Right now we need to land at the nearest planet and regroup. We’re lucky that we all made it out - mostly - unharmed.” Eve raised her arms and took a deep breath as if she was ready to unleash hell on them again, but Oksana grabbed her hand and stopped her. “It’s okay Eve. We’re together now, that’s all that matters. We’ll make it home eventually.” For once, Oksana was the calming presence to Eve. She sat back down and gave Oksana a big ol’ hug. Eve wasn't ready to forgive the couple, but having Oksana with her made her a lot happier and less hostile.

The quartet had been flying for a few hours. Oksana was sleeping and resting from her injuries, Eve laying next to her. Merrin was flying the Mantis, and Cal was sitting on the couch playing Cere’s old song. “What did they do to you Oksana? What was it like in there?” Eve was playing the part of the concerned mother, which she is old enough to be fair. “They just poked me with taser sticks and asked me where ‘jedi’ was. They also asked me about my ‘magick’. I played along with it acting like I knew what they were talking about haha. Was good time.” Eve was hardly shocked by Oksana’s response and at this point, she started to find it amusing herself. “Well nobody knows how to care for you better than yourself. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Meanwhile in the cockpit, Merrin saw she had minimal fuel left. She could have made the stop at the nearest planet in Zeffo, as she told Cal she would do. Merrin had a different prerogative, however. She was feeling homesick, and frankly wanted to see how her newfound power could be used on her birth planet. Without Cal’s permission, she set course for Dathomir.

A few more hours pass by. Cal awakes from a nap. He walks over to the human couple in the back to see how they’re doing. Unfortunately for Cal, he walks in at the wrong time whilst Eve was helping a beaten Oksana shower. As he awkwardly walks away after viewing the naked woman, he approaches another woman he actually wants to see naked :)

“Hey Merr- oh shit what is that? Why are we going there again? I don’t wanna. Please. Merrin I don-” Merrin snapped back “quit your bitching boy. We won't be long. I will harvest fuel.” At this point Cal didn’t care about fuel. He absolutely loathes Dathomir. He goes back to the couple to complain about it. “There’s so many scary creatures, rocky and rough terrain, and for some reason Merrin won’t call off her Night Sisters and Brothers from attacking me. It’s a dangerous and annoying planet and you guys should probably stay inside.” Eve took Cal’s word but Oksana had a different perspective. She also thought he was being a bitch.

Merrin stepped outside on her home soil for the first time since she left the planet with Cal. She took a big deep breath of air that would only be refreshing to a nightsister. “Cal come outside. Stop being a baby. I want you to watch me.” Cal reluctantly agreed. “What are you going to do Merrin? Is there even oil or fuel on Dathomir?” Merrin nodded her head. “I believe that if we dig deep enough we can find some, and use it to finally escape the empire for good.” Cal trusted Merrin but was skeptical. “How do you propose we dig? It’s not exactly soft dirt out here. I’m not sure Eve and Oksana would be eager to dig up rocks anyways.” Merrin scoffed at this retort. “With my magick silly boy. I’ve never felt stronger before. Step back and let’s see what I can do. I don’t even know really.”

Cal climbed up some rocks to get a vantage view to see Merrin on her platform. They were both curious about what she could do. Merrin’s platform overlooked miles upon miles of rough and mountainous terrain. She moved her feet into a solid and ready position. She raised her hands slowly and slowly until the point to where she reached for the sky. Her heart was pounding. Her ass was clenching. Her teeth were grinding. And she looked absolutely ridiculous to Cal from a distance. But then it happened. Gallons upon gallons of oil flew out from the undergrounds. Merrin was ecstatic and saw this as a major accomplishment. The oil flew so high even Oksana and Eve could see it from the mantis. Merrin was so happy that she started to play in the oil. Cal was no longer horny.

After merrin cleaned up and used the magick to put the oil in the tank, they were just about ready to say goodbye to Merrin’s home planet. Not like she had anyone to say goodbye to other than the physical planet. Before they left, they needed to figure out a plan.

“So what do we do now?” Eve, while no longer upset, was still anxious about the next step. “While Merrin and I are going to always be fugitives to the empire, the only one that wants you two is Gr. Weevis. We need to get rid of him before we get you back to earth safely.” Oksana seemed eager to get revenge. “How do we plan on taking him down. I want to kill that robot trash myself.” Nobody seemed to have any ideas right away. But then the brightest, smartest, strongest, and hottest one of the group finally stepped forward. It was Merrin. “Guys I have a plan. They will be expecting us to go back to earth. I will get one of my thirsty nightbrothers to fly an escape pod set course to Earth. He's never been to space but he doesn’t have to do anything. He will sit and wait until the pod is intercepted. When Weevis intercepts his pod, we will surprise and strike them from behind.” This seemed like a good and smart plan that nobody opposed. They all nodded and got ready to go. Not before applauding and praising Merrin for her pure brilliance and sexiness. 

Merrin did her horny nightbrother call and dozens of them swarmed to her. She randomly chose one and brought him - restrained - onto the ship. “Hey Merrin can you tell him I’m no longer a threat? They all want me dead.” This only amused Merrin. “Haha. No. I don’t think I will.’’ The crew flew off of Dathomir after Merrin had a tearful goodbye. They flew a good 2 clicks before Weevis’ earth blockade could detect ships. Before they went underway with their plan, they needed to have a chat with the night brother to make sure he doesn’t do anything good.

“Okay… Taliqueque is it? Alright, all we need for you to do is to sit there and act pretty okay?” Taliqueuque felt like he needed to get something out of this exchange. “I will do what you ask of me… but only if I get to make love with the beautiful Merrin.” Merrin, knowing that this mission would send him to his death and that they wouldn’t bother trying to save him, agreed. “Yes. We make many love. Sorry Cal.” She winked at him indicating that she wasn’t actually going to, as the nightbrother is too stupid to pick up social cues. 

The group is ready to go out. Merrin puts restraints on the nightbrother and gives him a kiss on the cheek before she sends him out to his inevitable death. The pod is released from the mantis and is sent out towards Weevis’ direction. Taliqueque was thinking and dreaming about being with the love of his life. He was going to spend the rest of his life with his beautiful Merrin. The next thing he knew, he was blasted to smithereens by Weevis’ ship. And just like that, the hopes and dreams of the nightbrother were demolished, along with his body. But frankly nobody cared and it allowed the crew of Cal, Merrin, and Oksana to invade Weevis’ ship.

To equip themselves for this mission, Cal brought his regular Dathomiri poncho and dual wielding lightsaber. Merrin didn’t really need to bring anything other than her magick. And Oksana, while offered a blaster, brought her glock that she kept in her pants and her 10 knives in her undergarments. Cal and Merrin were confused by this decision but if she could handle herself in the torture chamber, they thought she would be fine.

The 3 of them were snug tightly in the remaining escape pod. It led to some awkward sexual tension, that was not and will not be addressed. While Weevis’ ship was focused on Taliqueque, the group was able to safely land on top of the ship, and with air masks entered into the breathing chamber. While this ship wasn’t as big as the cruiser, it was still quite difficult to get around, and Cal and Merrin didn’t exactly have the map memorized in their heads. So there was only one course of action. Kill everyone.

The trio checked every room they could find. Cal would slash and force push them, Merrin would blast them into smithereens, and Oksana would shoot em 4 times in the head to break through the helmet. It was a beautiful cacophony of sounds and actions that ravaged through Weevis’ ship. It didn’t take long for General Weevis himself to notice his men dying and his ship taking damage. He knew that this trio wouldn’t be stopped by his crew, and that’d he’d have to do it himself. 

Meanwhile back at the Mantis, Eve was watching through BD-01 and making comms to the group, reading the traditional map and telling them where to go. “If you go straight and look left, you shall see the door to the main deck. I’m guessing that’s where Weevis would be. Be careful Oksana.” Eve proved to be useful in the sense that she saved lots of time.

Merrin blasts open the door to the main gate with her magick. The three of them walk in with stormtrooper blood all over their clothes. They are angry and looking to end this once and for all. 

When Merrin took one glance at Weevis a new sense of rage and power filled through her body. It was almost like the magick equivalence of the dark side, only it did not corrupt her mind. She charged her energy and was ready to attack Weevis. “You and your brother killed my sisters. You were responsible for the death of my family. The death of my culture. The postponing of my life. I will take from you what you have taken from me. Die cow!” Cal and Oksana backed off noticing how personal it was. Merrin ran full speed to Weevis and jumped to kill him for good. She threw her energy at him but nothing happened. Weevis began to laugh.

“Jahahahaha you fool. You know I was the architect for the Dathomir massacre right? I prepared my brother for anything the nightsisters threw at him. Especially your mother. These here are magick resistant bracelets. You can’t do any of that to me while I wear these.” In one hand, Weevis pulled out his blaster and shot Merrin in the shoulder. In two of his other hands he pulled out lightsabers. He threw them at both Cal and Oksana. Cal was able to deflect it with his own, however Oksana could not deflect a lightsaber with her knife and her hand was cut right off. “No!!” Cal screamed in his deflated voice, as Weevis’ large robotic stature walked towards him. “Now, you all die!”

Weevis and Cal spar for a good 3 minutes. Oksana was passed out cold, however Merrin had started to awaken, yet struggled. She gets up off the floor and yells at Weevis to distract him and give Cal a break. “Weevis. Your bracelet is nice and all (secretly she thought it looked pretty) but can they stop this?” Merrin lets go of her wound, and in a tremendous amount of pain begins to raise the fallen stormtroopers from the dead. Both Cal and Weevis backup, and slowly begin to panic. ‘’Choono slalem denni tay’lori oiee-ay.’’ “Merrin what is going on? I thought you could only do that with nightsisters.” Merrin smirks, “Not anymore Cal. Go my undead brothers and sisters, attack this robot and bring him to hell!”

Dozens upon dozens of dead stormtroopers come sprinting to attack Weevis. While they are not difficult for him to strike down, the sheer number of them keep him distracted enough for Cal to tend to Merrin and Oksana. “Merrin are you okay? We have to get Oksana out of here. Eve is NOT going to be happy.” Merrin looked displeased. “No. Cal we’ve come too far. We won’t have a chance like this again. We have to finish this now.” Cal could see the genuine pain in Merrin’s eyes. He wasn’t ready to just give up if she wasn’t on board. The two of them follow the remaining stormtroopers and jump onto Weevis.

An all out wrestling brawl ensues. Cal is on top of his head trying to distract him whilst in a lightsaber battle, Merrin is on his torso area trying to rip off the bracelets while simultaneously avoiding the lightsabers, all at the same time the remaining nightbrothers attack and ultimately die to Weevis. After finally killing the last nightbrother, and Cal and Merrin unsuccessfully removing the bracelets, Weevis grabs Cal and throws him to the side. Merrin backed off and stared into Weevis’ soulless eyes. “I can finally proudly say that I have killed every nightsister.” He pulls out his blaster and aims right for her eyes. He pulls the trigger and shoots the gun into the heart of Cal who was tackling Merrin out of the way. 

“Cal… No…” Cal laid motionless on the floor. Weevis walked over to their defeated bodies and picked Merrin up by the neck. “I guess I got two birds with one stone huh? Well, you put up a good fight, but in the end i-” 

*BLAM*

Laying there by Weevis’ side, was Oksana. She has finally woken from her slumber and blasted Weevis twice in the head and chest with her sawed off shotgun. “How did your precious bracelets help you there.” She scoffs and spits on Weevis’ corpse. “Oksana! I didn’t know you had that shotgun?” Oksana laughed. “Haha. I always keep shotgun in pants. You know. Just in case.” That light hearted moment ended quickly though, as the ship was shutting down, and they needed to get Cal back on the Mantis quick.

Merrin uses her magick to carry Cal’s body out of there. They take Weevis’ escape pod and arrive back at the Mantis. They’re greeted by a terrified Eve who is even more mad looking at a handless Oksana. “Oh my god Cal… Oksana?! What happened to your hand!?!” The group’s main focus was on Cal first. He was shot in the heart and it’s almost impossible to recover from. They tried everything they could, but he was past the point of saving. Cal had died a sad death, saving the one he loved. F in chat for cal.

Merrin flew the couple back to earth. She was clearly still hurting from the loss of Cal. Eve and Oksana left her alone for a while, but they felt compelled to console her. “Hey Merrin, how are you holding up?” Merrin was hesitant to open up. “I’m fine. You can go sit down. I fly.” Eve wouldn’t budge. “It’s okay to talk about it, we know he meant a lot to you.” Merrin responded quickly to avoid this conversation. “I said I’m fine. The Nightsister massacre was worse. leave me alone.” Those words were deemed null as she started to cry (cals death still wasn't as sad, but still sad). With her singular hand Oksana comfortably patted Merrin’s head and Eve gave her a hug. It was an emotional bonding moment for the three of them. “Cal was the only one who didn’t see me as some monster.” Merrin cried out in a cracked voice. “I should raise him back from the dead. Yes. Good idea, me.” Eve quickly ended that idea. “He’d be a zombie Merrin. You don’t want zombie Cal. Come on now. You can stay with us again if you’d like.” Merrin finally wipes her tears. “I’d like that. Thank you. Now excuse me I go poop in the bathroom now.” Merrin pooped and then they flew back to Earth.


End file.
